im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
