You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
