I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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