biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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