Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
