This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
