I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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