Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
