Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
