If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
