I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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