So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
