Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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