booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
