whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
