thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
