He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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