Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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