i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
