i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Can I color on your dick again?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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