Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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