Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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