four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
