You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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