Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
