A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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