i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
