i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
