i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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