hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
