Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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