Please, let me fuck your mom
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
