I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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