i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
