Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
