you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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