When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
