U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
be right there i have to get my cape
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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