The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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