sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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