He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
