the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
