My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
this beer tastes like vomit already
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
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