You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
