ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
