I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
