tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Houston, we have a squirter
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
