Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
