Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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