he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
