The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
