My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
