There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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